I was an emotional wreck. You probably couldn’t tell from the outside but inside my soul was a mess. Internally, I was hanging on by a thread. As you can imagine, it is hard to act like you have it all together when you are battling to see clearly amidst a flood of emotions.

So many thoughts, so many feelings. So many things to think about and consider. So many emotions that I’m trying to contain in order to protect those around me from knowing the truth about what is going on inside of me.

So. Much. Stuff.

The weight of it all pulling me down and crushing my spirit. Like a grape being pressed in the process of making wine, I know everything I am experiencing is ultimately for a greater purpose. I fully believe it is for God’s glory and that He has me in His care, guidance and protection. Still, I can’t help feeling like that helpless grape – knowing it will all turn into a fine wine someday, but that day may be some day far away.

I don’t know if you can relate at all but this is exactly how I was feeling one morning. I know and believe God is faithful and I trust Him to guide my steps, however, possessing that truth does not exempt me from feeling blind, confused and uncertain about certain situations before me.

In that moment of feeling emotionally overwhelmed and void of any self-control, I glanced down at my phone and saw the Bible App’s “verse of the day” notification on my screen.

“But I will bless those who trust Me.”

Jeremiah 17:7 (CEV)

It was just what I needed to hear. The right words at the right time. God’s words on His time.

Tears filled my eyes as the flood gates slowly started to allow water to seep through.

He was there. God was with me. I do trust Him and don’t doubt His perfect timing, but He knows I am struggling because He knows His child is challenging the questions of “when” and “how.”

Trusting in the Lord is hard even if you acknowledge His power, purpose and perfect timing. It is hard because we want to be in control and we want to know how the story will end. We don’t want to wait. Waiting makes us question where we are and on a deeper level it makes us contemplate where God currently has placed us and for what reason. I know this to be true because I have experienced these emotions many times before. 

I do not doubt His ultimate plan. No, not one bit. I know God is faithful because of past trials He has put me through. But I am still weak and vulnerable to the enemy’s attack and that is exactly what is happening right now. He is attacking me left and right through my own Type-A, control-freak tendencies; the very ones that I worked so hard to eliminate from my life.

It is not easy now nor will it be easy in the days, months and years that are to come, Lord willing, if I am gifted to experience them. Yet, God knows this and He knows I will struggle and I will question Him because I am His imperfect child. God is my parent – He will always take care of me and will want what is best for me, but how will I respond to this type of love and faithfulness?

Will I let Satan control my thoughts and emotions or will I surrender them to the One who gave me the life I am fighting to control?

I choose to trust in my Heavenly Father, the Almighty God.

I will trust you, Lord, with all of my soul, mind and strength. Even when I question You I will never doubt You. Even when I feel hopeless and powerless I will remember that You are eternally faithful.

I will trust You because I love You. I know You will always have my best interests at heart.

“I don’t know how the story ends
But I know that You finished it
I’ll close my eyes and just let go
And fall into my only Hope 

There’s safety in the falling
When I surrender fully
I put all my hope in You 

Jesus I will trust You
I will trust you
I know you never fail
I will trust you
Jesus I will (I will)
Jesus I will (I will) 

The only thing I know
Is God you’re in control
In every little detail
You are close
I’ll never be alone
Here in the unknown
The power of Your Presence
Fills my soul Now everything I know
Is God you’re in control
In every little detail
You are close
I’ll never be alone
Here in the unknown
The power of Your Presence
Fills my soul”

Lyrics to Trust by Hillsong Young & Free